Dear Olive, Orchids are for admiring, not for eating.

Dear Olive,

I am writing to you today to inform you of an unhappy aspect of our living arrangement, which, it is my hope, we can rectify.

I get it that you have hairballs. I mean, I see you constantly grooming, and understand that what goes in must come out. I also understand that along with the spring weather, comes a spring purge, so to speak. I have been obligingly cleaning it up, as a matter of fact, for the past few weeks. I haven't complained, (ok not very much) about the amount of fantastic that I have gone through, or the number of trees that I have killed to make the wads of paper towel needed to cushion my hand to clean up what you have projectiled all over the floor in each room, my duvet, rugs, the window ledge, or my comfy chair by the window. I try to show you that even as my adoped daughter that I still love you...almost as much as Ripley and April. We even joke as a family about how you love to occasionally munch on the pretty flowers that auntie Lizzie sometimes brings, or the silk plant that lives by the tv, which is now, in some places chewed down to nubs. But, now, my furry little friend, I have to draw the line at my orchids. I get it...you have hairballs. Maybe if I had them, I too would be crazily chewing on everything in sight. In fact, I had been displaying similar behaviors this past winter with pasta, crackers, cheese, and bread products of any kind. But I thought that we had compromised this week with my purchase of that BIG pot of cat-grass that I can see you have been voraciously mowing down on, and that has, over the past week, dwindled down to a level that golfers would envy.

So let this now be standing written notice that my orchids are *off limits*, and if I find the remnants of your feast again there will be consequences to your actions. I may even have to get cousin Lola to kick your a** when she comes to visit next. And if I were a betting woman, I do believe that she can...since she does pack a mean bite.

Sincerely,

Jen